I Need to Fire My Agent

Hi devoted readers! Did you know that, before I got into the squeak toy/companion business, my lifelong dream was to be an actor? Yep, that's right. This chicken had plans. Like anyone in Chicago who wants to make it someday on the stage or big screen, I studied at the Second City Training Center (I really do have a fowl sense of humor) and hired myself an agent. I had a few small gigs here and there, mostly modeling jobs and holding signs on the side of the road to announce things like mattress sales.


This was the result of one of my modeling gigs

Unfortunately, it's just hard to find work right now. You humans aren't the only ones feeling the pain of the economic downturn. The unemployment rate among rubber chickens is astounding! Once it was clear that acting wasn't working out, I started temping in an office.



I had to quit that job though, the 9-5 business just isn't my thing. That's when I started working at PetSmart, and eventually got my current job with Jude. True story.

Anyway, you can imagine my astonishment to see Burger King's new ad campaign (at least I think it's new?) featuring the Subservient Chicken. Hello, agent? This was the opportunity of a lifetime for chicken actors! And they gave it away to some douche in a chicken suit.


Nice work subservient chicken, I can lay on a couch too!

But the good news is, once this ad campaign is through, that guy will be out of work, but I'll still have Jude and a home. And no one will be dousing me with sweet & sour sauce or turning me into a bad sandwich anytime soon.

Introductory Squeak

Hello readers! Well, I should say, hello people who live in my apartment. I can only hope someday we'll have some real readers. I mean don't Jude and I spend enough time with these people that we don't need them reading our every thought on our blog? It's enough to make me hide under the couch for several months at a time.


Anyway, what can I say? I'm a squeak toy belonging to Jude. Jude's a 90 pound rottie mix who thinks he's a lap dog and is the brains behind this whole operation. We're both extremely unmotivated, so we're unemployed. We spend most days at home watching bad TV and sometimes listening to sports radio or NPR. So naturally, we're pretty well-informed on current events and Chicago sports happenings. We're pretty much inseparable. I don't really have a choice in that because, being a toy, if a giant pound dog wants to carry you around in his mouth, what can you do? I mean really people, what can I do? The bitch nextdoor bit my legs off last summer while she and Jude were having a little lovers quarrel, and my wings are plastic and melded on to my sides so seriously, what can I do? Nothing? Okay, then I guess I'll just sit back, enjoy the ride, and hopefully write some entertaining blogs. Like this one.

Good luck getting me away from Jude

Healthcare Bill Raw

Remember those old tapes where the dogs barked Christmas songs? I do. I loved barking along to them and listened to them year round. It was a lot of noise, didn't have words and was entertaining. However, after a while I grew tired and saw a rabbit and chased it and that was that.

Then I found this program called professional wrestling. There was shouting and barking and yelling and people wrestling- really all I could ever ask for in entertainment. Sure, there was a lot of pandering, but it was fun. Plus we got to shout things, which is always fun. Here's some quality shouting from back in the day:

Now, as the healthcare bill passed, I found something just as entertaining. Sure, there were the groups of white protesters shouting things, but where was the give & take? Where was the "Are you ready to rock?" and the subsequent "Wooooooo!"? Fortunately House Minority Leader John Boehner providing a give in take in his floor speech. I was shouting "No" along with them. Then I got crazy and started shouting "What?" too. Combining governing, wrestling marketing, and the easy accessibility makes for the greatest entertainment ever. Can anyone explain what he's talking about?

Can anyone explain what the wrestling match is about?

Test Woof

I am going to be writing... hang on, i see a cat.

[woof woof woof]

where was i.

Oh, i am writing news. or getting food. i can't remember.

I heard something outside.

[woof woof woof]